Burglar Alarm System

Margaret was broken into again last week. Apparently the bugger tried the kitchen windows (which were locked), so they pulled the wheelie bin up to the bathroom window, climbed up the drain and entered through that. This was all at night, whilst Margaret was sleeping. They even entered her bedroom to steal her handbag (luckily she doesn't keep her purse in it so that was safe, and you'll never guess the place she keeps her valuable jewellery!!! Nobody would find them!!!). Luckily, she slept through the whole thing, who knows what this creep would have done if she'd woken up.

This is about the third time in two years that she has been robbed. Last time she was gardening around the side of the house, with back and front screen doors locked, when an enterprising young turd climbed in through the kitchen window. The insurance people said it should have all been locked up, even though she was still on the property! Why should one have to live in a cage with barred windows and doors (fire hazards)! Why should one have to lock oneself inside the house and then shut all windows even to do a spot of gardening!! Older people are more at risk of falls within the home, think how difficult would it be for emergency personnel to reach said person if all the house was locked up tight with bars on the windows!!

So I have a plan. An ingenious security system, almost failproof!

We'll send Lulu up to Margaret.

Think of the benefits Margaret will get:

1. Her lawn "mown" for free
2. It'll piss off the neighbour
3. Free fertiliser
4. Lulu will come running each time she hears a person, baaing very VERY loudly, better than any barking dog
5. It'll piss off the neighbour
6. Margaret will never have to prune again (her plants may not survive Lulu's pruning, but let's ignore that fact).
7. It'll REALLY piss off her neighbour

Okay, so there might be a few drawbacks. Like Margaret will have to replace her front fence to a six foot high chainwire to stop Lulu from jumping out onto the street. And Lulu will jump into the neighbour's yard and poo in their pool and decimate their BH&G backyard (oh, wait, is that a drawback???)

So, anytime you want to take me up on this offer, Margaret, just call and I'll have Lulu shipped up straight away!

Or, you could have Jess.