Do real people cut round pieces of ham so it fits snugly onto a square piece of bread?
Friday, 27 February 2009
Anal Retentive?
Is my child anally retentive?
Do real people cut round pieces of ham so it fits snugly onto a square piece of bread?
Do real people cut round pieces of ham so it fits snugly onto a square piece of bread?
I love this email, I always laugh each time I read it. So, for those of you that haven't seen it before (and I doubt there'd be many), here it is:
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy inAustralia UK
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk fromPerth to Sydney Sweden
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) inAustralia Cairns UK
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing inAustralia USA
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south ofEurope ..
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North inAustralia USA
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery intoAustralia UK
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me theVienna USA
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
oh forget it. Sure, theVienna
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels inAustralia UK
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets inSydney Germany
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors inAustralia USA
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it inAustralia USA
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions inTasmania Italy
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas inAustralia France
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was inAustralia USA
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ....
oh forget it. Sure, the
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Monday, 23 February 2009
Revenge on the Sheep
Yesterday, the sheep were denuded. In revenge for the bruise on my bum.
It took Tim less than half an hour to set up his equipment, help Michael create a 'holding pen', catch the little buggers and shear them, one by one.
Lulu and Ethel were beside themselves with the shock of it, it was their first shear. They had no idea what was happening to them. And they look ridiculous now. But they'd make good eating, they have enough fat on them.
I've kept the fleeces aside, and will spin them (when I get the time of course).
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Outsmarted, by a chook!
Despite locating the chook's house away from the fence, despite clipping their wings, the damn chooks keep flying out.
So, I thought I'd get smart.
Whilst the fence itself is only about 1m high, I put two strands of wire above the fenceline, bringing it to almost my height.
Michael and I were watching this morning as the two chooks flew to the top of their chookhouse. One of the chooks looked, and squatted down in preparation, then stood and looked again, and squatted, and did another check.
Michael and I started humming the theme of Indiana Jones whilst we watched. I felt gleeful, thinking, "Go on, you little f..... eathered friend, just try it". I was looking forward to the chook hitting the wire and bouncing back into the pen.
The chook looked, took the appropriate measurements of wind speed, takeoff lift.... and flew up and over the wire!!!!!! BASTARD!!!
Back to the drawing board.
I think I'll design a range of ball and chain weights for chooks and sheep.
So, I thought I'd get smart.
Whilst the fence itself is only about 1m high, I put two strands of wire above the fenceline, bringing it to almost my height.
Michael and I were watching this morning as the two chooks flew to the top of their chookhouse. One of the chooks looked, and squatted down in preparation, then stood and looked again, and squatted, and did another check.
Michael and I started humming the theme of Indiana Jones whilst we watched. I felt gleeful, thinking, "Go on, you little f..... eathered friend, just try it". I was looking forward to the chook hitting the wire and bouncing back into the pen.
The chook looked, took the appropriate measurements of wind speed, takeoff lift.... and flew up and over the wire!!!!!! BASTARD!!!
Back to the drawing board.
I think I'll design a range of ball and chain weights for chooks and sheep.
Sunday morning workout
As per usual, I was up early and walked the dogs. Michael started the washing and then went out to repair some fences before it got too hot.
He called me out not long after, we had a visitor.
I wanted to keep it. She wasn't very old and was very cute. Took some photos of her and hoped that she'd jump the fence back to the neighbour's paddock, as she was fretting about being on her own.
She did jump the fence... onto the driveway and then out onto the service road. The one next to the main highway!
Michael and I took off after her. She crossed the highway three times in our attempts to get her into the neighbour's paddock. She was almost a kilometre down the road when Michael went back for his car. He managed to keep her on our side of the highway and pushed her towards a gate, but I couldn't get the gate open. I was running beside the road, to ensure she didn't run across the road again.
Luckily the other neighbour, Craig (the one that lost his hayshed in the fire) pulled up. Turns out, it was his heifer. He was able to walk her back to his driveway, whilst I drove his car back. We had a lovely chat about the fire and tractors and schools before heading home again - and al before 10am.
The heifer is friendly with little Isabelle's pony, Sandwich. They were very pleased to be together again.
And this afternoon will be shearing, should get a workout from that as well. Will appoint Michael as official photographer.
He called me out not long after, we had a visitor.
I wanted to keep it. She wasn't very old and was very cute. Took some photos of her and hoped that she'd jump the fence back to the neighbour's paddock, as she was fretting about being on her own.
She did jump the fence... onto the driveway and then out onto the service road. The one next to the main highway!
Michael and I took off after her. She crossed the highway three times in our attempts to get her into the neighbour's paddock. She was almost a kilometre down the road when Michael went back for his car. He managed to keep her on our side of the highway and pushed her towards a gate, but I couldn't get the gate open. I was running beside the road, to ensure she didn't run across the road again.
Luckily the other neighbour, Craig (the one that lost his hayshed in the fire) pulled up. Turns out, it was his heifer. He was able to walk her back to his driveway, whilst I drove his car back. We had a lovely chat about the fire and tractors and schools before heading home again - and al before 10am.
The heifer is friendly with little Isabelle's pony, Sandwich. They were very pleased to be together again.
And this afternoon will be shearing, should get a workout from that as well. Will appoint Michael as official photographer.
Home Rodeo
The sheep have discovered chook food. Basically, it's almost exactly the same as lamb pellets - a grain based pellet. So, the latest trick by Ethel and Lulu is to push their way into the chook pen.
Yesterday morning, as I was checking on the egg situation, the sheep decided they were hungry. I managed to plant my body in the gateway of the chook pen to stop them from coming in. Ethel was disconcerted by me swearing at them, but Lulu decided to go for it anyway.
Next thing I know, she's pushing between my legs and I'm riding a sheep backwards into the chook pen. The ride lasted about 10 seconds before I fell off and onto the side of a brick.
Got a lovely bruise on my butt to show for it.
I was up pretty quickly and gave both sheep a big kick up the bum and threw them out of the pen. I'll get my revenge tomorrow, they will become naked sheep!
Yesterday morning, as I was checking on the egg situation, the sheep decided they were hungry. I managed to plant my body in the gateway of the chook pen to stop them from coming in. Ethel was disconcerted by me swearing at them, but Lulu decided to go for it anyway.
Next thing I know, she's pushing between my legs and I'm riding a sheep backwards into the chook pen. The ride lasted about 10 seconds before I fell off and onto the side of a brick.
Got a lovely bruise on my butt to show for it.
I was up pretty quickly and gave both sheep a big kick up the bum and threw them out of the pen. I'll get my revenge tomorrow, they will become naked sheep!
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