Driving to work yesterday, a voice pipes up from the back seat:
"When I'm a big girl, and have a baby, I'm going to be brave and then I'll get a lollipop".
So there you go, ladies, take the advice of a little girl. When you are suffering the agonies of having your vagina split assunder by a boof headed baby, stop screaming and moaning ... and you'll get a lollipop for your efforts!
Should anyone complain about aches and pains from now on, the only response they'll get from me is "Suck it up, baby, and get a lollipop".
Friday, 8 May 2009
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
It's Green, at last
Two weekends ago we had 20mm of rain over 4 days. Well, it was probably more than 20mm, but that's the last reading of the rainfall indicator before Lulu jumped the fence and knocked it over. It was shower after shower after shower. And it was cold. And it was the weekend that Caitlin had her karate camp in Port Fairy, where they had a swim.... in the great southern ocean. You know, the ocean that has icebergs on the other side. Any surprises that she got a cold from it????
Anyway, those four days were good and bad. The large water tank in the western paddock is now 3/4 full. There was no point even trying to do any housework, the dogs kept tracking in muddy feet despite best efforts of wiping them down.
Within a week, the parched brown paddocks started turning green. Now, two weeks later, there's lots and lots of green. The dead dirt area under Mim's swing is now green, the top paddock is now green, the hills around us are green. The paddocks that were burnt black 3 months ago are green. And they've started burning off the dead trees from the fires. Each day I drive through an avenue of funeral pyres, which have been burning for about a week now, each day they just add more wood/branches/rubbish to the pile. Once they are all cleaned up, the council can start planting some more trees.
We've had heavy fog roll in most mornings, which has helped add more green to the ground. I'd despaired of the yard ever getting grass again.
Yay, Green!
Anyway, those four days were good and bad. The large water tank in the western paddock is now 3/4 full. There was no point even trying to do any housework, the dogs kept tracking in muddy feet despite best efforts of wiping them down.
Within a week, the parched brown paddocks started turning green. Now, two weeks later, there's lots and lots of green. The dead dirt area under Mim's swing is now green, the top paddock is now green, the hills around us are green. The paddocks that were burnt black 3 months ago are green. And they've started burning off the dead trees from the fires. Each day I drive through an avenue of funeral pyres, which have been burning for about a week now, each day they just add more wood/branches/rubbish to the pile. Once they are all cleaned up, the council can start planting some more trees.
We've had heavy fog roll in most mornings, which has helped add more green to the ground. I'd despaired of the yard ever getting grass again.
Yay, Green!
Car troubles
It's rather difficult having a defective vehicle (or no vehicle) when you live in a place like this. Public transport is.... well, almost non-existent. The upside is that you'd feel pretty safe hitching a ride into Hamilton. Luckily it didn't come to that.
First thing Monday morning, I rang the mechanic about the car. Despite being fully booked up, he suggested I bring it in by about 1.30pm, if it was just a spark plug it would only take about 5 minutes to do. So I did - aaannnnddd ttthhhaattt wwaass tthhee lloonnggeesstt hhaallff hhoouurr ddrriivvee II''vvee eevveerr ddoonnee.
Dropped the car off and arranged to come back at 3 to collect it. That would give me time to drive Mim up to Jenny's (she was looking after her while I worked), get changed, pick up Caitlin and drop her at Jenny's as well. Went back at 3... to see the mechanic still scratching his head. Turns out it wasn't as simple as a spark plug or lead! He was conducting tests to see if something or other, and mentioned blown head gasket. I don't know what a head gasket is, but I do know it's hideously expensive!! Upshot was, I wasn't driving anywhere that night!
Called St Jenny, she came into town and grabbed Mim. (Mim thought she was hotshot, sitting in the front seat of Jenny's little Mazda, without a carseat. It was only for a short trip.) I walked up to work, fearing the worst. The mechanic rang a bit later and left a message - one of the coils was faulty, they'd ordered another from Melbourne so it should be delivered the next day.
Jenny had fed the girls a roast dinner and prepared one for us as well. She then offered to lend me Mazzie (her car) as she would not be needing it for a few days. It was most generous of her, and very helpful! There was only one small problem with it - I'm sure the speedo isn't working accurately. I was clicking along at 100km/hr (according to the speedo), and Michael was dropping back behind me - he says I was doing about 115km/hr! Must let Jenny know.
Anyway, my car was ready yesterday, and will send the bill out eventually.
First thing Monday morning, I rang the mechanic about the car. Despite being fully booked up, he suggested I bring it in by about 1.30pm, if it was just a spark plug it would only take about 5 minutes to do. So I did - aaannnnddd ttthhhaattt wwaass tthhee lloonnggeesstt hhaallff hhoouurr ddrriivvee II''vvee eevveerr ddoonnee.
Dropped the car off and arranged to come back at 3 to collect it. That would give me time to drive Mim up to Jenny's (she was looking after her while I worked), get changed, pick up Caitlin and drop her at Jenny's as well. Went back at 3... to see the mechanic still scratching his head. Turns out it wasn't as simple as a spark plug or lead! He was conducting tests to see if something or other, and mentioned blown head gasket. I don't know what a head gasket is, but I do know it's hideously expensive!! Upshot was, I wasn't driving anywhere that night!
Called St Jenny, she came into town and grabbed Mim. (Mim thought she was hotshot, sitting in the front seat of Jenny's little Mazda, without a carseat. It was only for a short trip.) I walked up to work, fearing the worst. The mechanic rang a bit later and left a message - one of the coils was faulty, they'd ordered another from Melbourne so it should be delivered the next day.
Jenny had fed the girls a roast dinner and prepared one for us as well. She then offered to lend me Mazzie (her car) as she would not be needing it for a few days. It was most generous of her, and very helpful! There was only one small problem with it - I'm sure the speedo isn't working accurately. I was clicking along at 100km/hr (according to the speedo), and Michael was dropping back behind me - he says I was doing about 115km/hr! Must let Jenny know.
Anyway, my car was ready yesterday, and will send the bill out eventually.
An exhausting week
Last week was exhausting, and expensive.
I don't think there was a day that one or other of the dogs escaped and had to be captured. Not so bad for me if it's Sarah as I can usually capture her, she usually heads straight for the sheep to work them. But Jess won't be caught for love or money, you have to use trickery with her.
Michael spent a large amount of money on Tuesday afternoon, buying his Miele cooktop and ordering our Bosch oven and fridge. Hardly Normal agreed to match The Good Guys price on the oven and fridge, so he was saved a trip to Warrnambool.
On Thursday, Sarah escaped but didn't go for our sheep. Instead she decided to head over the hills on the neighbour's property. Despite calling, she ignored me and continued on. It was 2 hours before she returned, rather contrite. In the meantime, Jason from Austar arrived to install our satellite dish and connect us up to 400 channels of crap. He was lovely, working well even with Gomez insisting on barking at him every time he moved a muscle (he was shut up in Caitlin's bedroom eventually, Gomez that is, not Jason). Jason even had to kick Morticia out of his car!
On Friday, Damian and his sidekick arrived to install our solar hot water system. They coped quite well with the dogs .... and even if Mim, who decided she wanted to be one of the boys. She spent a lot of time on her swing chatting to Damian, and when they had a coffee break, she came in to get her cup of water and joined them. Damian admitted that he had a little girl as well, and she follows him around so he was used to it. I eavesdropped into some of their conversation, it was all about their favourite characters on The Simpsons.
Then, just as the guys were cleaning up, I was dressed for work and taking the dogs to the shed to lock them in, when Jess slipped out of her harness. She was off and running. Up the paddock, next door, back into our paddock and around. The girls tried chasing her, coaxing her but no success. So, I jumped in the car with Sarah and drove to the bottom of the paddock. Whilst she'd circle the car, she wasn't game to come near enough to jump in. She was starting to get wise. So, I drove slowly up the paddock, stopped half way and opened the door. She jumped in! I carried her to the shed after that, I wasn't taking any chances!
Jenny looked after the girls on Friday night whilst I was working, she even fed them and me a beautiful roast pork dinner (I'm not a big fan of pork but this was beautiful, hardly surprising coming from someone who ran a restaurant for 20 years). When we got home, I got the dogs out of the shed. Was leading them in when Jess pulled back suddenly, and out of her harness! I tried following her with a torch, but gave up after 15 mins. Went inside, got the girls to bed and had a shower. Took Sarah outside for a pee, Jess was waiting in the yard and came inside quite happily with Sarah. That's when I decided that I would invest in an electric collar. But I can't find one that has a 1000V setting!
On Saturday, the girls and I went down to the post office to check the mail. We were almost in town when the car started juddering. Not good! We finished our task and went straight home. I tried calling the mechanics but they'd closed less than half an hour before. As Michael had left his car at the airport (he was in Brisbane for the weekend), we were trapped at home all weekend. At 4pm I suddenly realised, Phil (Caitlin's teacher) was a mechanic. Gave him a call and explained the symptoms. He thought it sounded like a missing spark plug or spark plug lead and offered to come out and have a look. He and Annie arrived half an hour later and had a fiddle under the bonnet. He didn't have tools but did what he could. He said that was most likely what it was and it would be fine to drive into Hamilton to the mechanics on Monday. That was a relief.
We went inside to have a coffee. Mim was being her 'helping' self. Earlier in the afternoon, I'd caught her sitting at the bench, cutting up an apple and celery using a sharp knife directly onto the wooden bench. I'd taken the knife away from her and told her that you can't make a fruit salad with celery. Five minutes later I caught her still trying to cut the apple and some lettuce, this time with a butter knife! So as I made the coffees for Phil and Annie, Mim tried to serve 'snacks' (her fruit and veg salad), unfortunately she dropped it on the floor. There was lettuce EVERYWHERE! And not large leaves that were easy to pick up, no it was minutely shredded pieces! Annie was trying so hard not to laugh - after 7 kids, she's used to this sort of thing!
Then, after I'd farewelled Phil and Annie, I came inside to find Mim had poured herself a small coffee cup of milk...... with two teaspoons of sugar in it, and was trying to drink it!!!!!!
On Sunday, Mim decided to help me paint the front of the house with undercoat. She was doing quite well, despite dropping her brush in the dirt twice and getting flecks of white paint through her hair and all over her hands (which she then wiped on her pants). I couldn't go to the firefighting training (wasn't game to drive the car anymore than necessary), but did manage to get some ironing, painting, cleaning done.
I'm ready for a holiday!
I don't think there was a day that one or other of the dogs escaped and had to be captured. Not so bad for me if it's Sarah as I can usually capture her, she usually heads straight for the sheep to work them. But Jess won't be caught for love or money, you have to use trickery with her.
Michael spent a large amount of money on Tuesday afternoon, buying his Miele cooktop and ordering our Bosch oven and fridge. Hardly Normal agreed to match The Good Guys price on the oven and fridge, so he was saved a trip to Warrnambool.
On Thursday, Sarah escaped but didn't go for our sheep. Instead she decided to head over the hills on the neighbour's property. Despite calling, she ignored me and continued on. It was 2 hours before she returned, rather contrite. In the meantime, Jason from Austar arrived to install our satellite dish and connect us up to 400 channels of crap. He was lovely, working well even with Gomez insisting on barking at him every time he moved a muscle (he was shut up in Caitlin's bedroom eventually, Gomez that is, not Jason). Jason even had to kick Morticia out of his car!
On Friday, Damian and his sidekick arrived to install our solar hot water system. They coped quite well with the dogs .... and even if Mim, who decided she wanted to be one of the boys. She spent a lot of time on her swing chatting to Damian, and when they had a coffee break, she came in to get her cup of water and joined them. Damian admitted that he had a little girl as well, and she follows him around so he was used to it. I eavesdropped into some of their conversation, it was all about their favourite characters on The Simpsons.
Then, just as the guys were cleaning up, I was dressed for work and taking the dogs to the shed to lock them in, when Jess slipped out of her harness. She was off and running. Up the paddock, next door, back into our paddock and around. The girls tried chasing her, coaxing her but no success. So, I jumped in the car with Sarah and drove to the bottom of the paddock. Whilst she'd circle the car, she wasn't game to come near enough to jump in. She was starting to get wise. So, I drove slowly up the paddock, stopped half way and opened the door. She jumped in! I carried her to the shed after that, I wasn't taking any chances!
Jenny looked after the girls on Friday night whilst I was working, she even fed them and me a beautiful roast pork dinner (I'm not a big fan of pork but this was beautiful, hardly surprising coming from someone who ran a restaurant for 20 years). When we got home, I got the dogs out of the shed. Was leading them in when Jess pulled back suddenly, and out of her harness! I tried following her with a torch, but gave up after 15 mins. Went inside, got the girls to bed and had a shower. Took Sarah outside for a pee, Jess was waiting in the yard and came inside quite happily with Sarah. That's when I decided that I would invest in an electric collar. But I can't find one that has a 1000V setting!
On Saturday, the girls and I went down to the post office to check the mail. We were almost in town when the car started juddering. Not good! We finished our task and went straight home. I tried calling the mechanics but they'd closed less than half an hour before. As Michael had left his car at the airport (he was in Brisbane for the weekend), we were trapped at home all weekend. At 4pm I suddenly realised, Phil (Caitlin's teacher) was a mechanic. Gave him a call and explained the symptoms. He thought it sounded like a missing spark plug or spark plug lead and offered to come out and have a look. He and Annie arrived half an hour later and had a fiddle under the bonnet. He didn't have tools but did what he could. He said that was most likely what it was and it would be fine to drive into Hamilton to the mechanics on Monday. That was a relief.
We went inside to have a coffee. Mim was being her 'helping' self. Earlier in the afternoon, I'd caught her sitting at the bench, cutting up an apple and celery using a sharp knife directly onto the wooden bench. I'd taken the knife away from her and told her that you can't make a fruit salad with celery. Five minutes later I caught her still trying to cut the apple and some lettuce, this time with a butter knife! So as I made the coffees for Phil and Annie, Mim tried to serve 'snacks' (her fruit and veg salad), unfortunately she dropped it on the floor. There was lettuce EVERYWHERE! And not large leaves that were easy to pick up, no it was minutely shredded pieces! Annie was trying so hard not to laugh - after 7 kids, she's used to this sort of thing!
Then, after I'd farewelled Phil and Annie, I came inside to find Mim had poured herself a small coffee cup of milk...... with two teaspoons of sugar in it, and was trying to drink it!!!!!!
On Sunday, Mim decided to help me paint the front of the house with undercoat. She was doing quite well, despite dropping her brush in the dirt twice and getting flecks of white paint through her hair and all over her hands (which she then wiped on her pants). I couldn't go to the firefighting training (wasn't game to drive the car anymore than necessary), but did manage to get some ironing, painting, cleaning done.
I'm ready for a holiday!
Dancing Dick?
Friends of ours are going to Billy Elliot the Musical. When they told us over a lovely dinner, Jenny referred to it as Silly Elliot.
A little voice piped up beside her "Billy the Willy!"
A version of Puppetry of the Penis?
A little voice piped up beside her "Billy the Willy!"
A version of Puppetry of the Penis?
Dogs 5, Chooks nil
We have no more chooks, Sarah disposed of the last two last week.
The first incident was when Sarah chewed through her harness during the 15 mins it took me to drive Mim to Kindy and return. I went straight up to the sheep and found her maintaining vigil, rounding them up when necessary. So I gave her another 15 minutes of working them before capturing her and chaining her up again.
It wasn't until I went to hang out some washing when I saw the body. So Sarah was tied up to the trampoline and flogged. Severely.
Last Chook was very lonely in those last few days. She kept trying to come inside or to be with the dogs. Bad move on her part. One night Michael arrived home to find Sarah off her chain (again). He went looking for her, but couldn't see her (not surprising, trying to find a black dog on a dark night, especially one that doesn't want to be found). When I came home at 8.45pm, I grabbed the torch and went looking. Didn't have to look far. The sheep were near the garage and Sarah was keeping watch. She lets me catch her but won't come near Michael. We discovered the body in the yard, surrounded by feathers.
So the burial ground now contains 2 lambs and 4 chooks (Michael threw one chook in the rubbish bin).
I have plans to get more chooks..... but will need to do some serious 6ft fencing, maybe with corrugated iron panels to deter friggin' sheep from jumping in and chooks from flying out.
The first incident was when Sarah chewed through her harness during the 15 mins it took me to drive Mim to Kindy and return. I went straight up to the sheep and found her maintaining vigil, rounding them up when necessary. So I gave her another 15 minutes of working them before capturing her and chaining her up again.
It wasn't until I went to hang out some washing when I saw the body. So Sarah was tied up to the trampoline and flogged. Severely.
Last Chook was very lonely in those last few days. She kept trying to come inside or to be with the dogs. Bad move on her part. One night Michael arrived home to find Sarah off her chain (again). He went looking for her, but couldn't see her (not surprising, trying to find a black dog on a dark night, especially one that doesn't want to be found). When I came home at 8.45pm, I grabbed the torch and went looking. Didn't have to look far. The sheep were near the garage and Sarah was keeping watch. She lets me catch her but won't come near Michael. We discovered the body in the yard, surrounded by feathers.
So the burial ground now contains 2 lambs and 4 chooks (Michael threw one chook in the rubbish bin).
I have plans to get more chooks..... but will need to do some serious 6ft fencing, maybe with corrugated iron panels to deter friggin' sheep from jumping in and chooks from flying out.
Sunday, 3 May 2009
All Tied Up
Mark and Michelle arrived home from their month long sojourn to the States. They immediately sent down a gift parcel for us - Tshirts, bags, book.
But the best present (and naturally the most tasteful) was Michael's gift.
A tie.
A tie that will go with any shirt, and with any occasion. A tie befitting a redneck.
But the best present (and naturally the most tasteful) was Michael's gift.
A tie.
A tie that will go with any shirt, and with any occasion. A tie befitting a redneck.
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